Three Reasons Why Children Lie

Have you ever heard a parent, or perhaps you have even said it yourself, "the worst thing you can ever do to me is lie?"

Naturally as parents we want our kids to tell the truth. And I agree, we should be teaching our kids about taking responsibility for their actions and their words. One way of doing that is getting them to take ownership of their mistakes. If they lie about being mean to a sibling, it isn't really taking responsibility.

The truth is, at times your kids are going to lie. As parents we should continue to encourage them to take responsibility. "If you make a mess clean it up", as I like to say.

With that in mind, it can actually have an adverse effect on their self-esteem, if we start saying things like "telling me lies will be the worst thing you can ever do to me". They will start to attach meaning to it. And then when they lie, our kids can forms beliefs there must be something terribly wrong with them. After all, would a "good" child hurt their parent in the worst imaginable way - on purpose?

When we understand reasons why children lie, it helps us teach them how to take responsibility and helps us discipline in a more appropriate manner.

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever lied? If you told me no, you never lie, to be honest I think you would be telling me lies. It isn't because you are a bad person; there are reasons. We all know husbands who when his wife starts asking "do I look fat in this?" he quickly says "no". Even if it isn't the truth.

Reason number 1:

Our kids lie because they don't want to hurt you. This may come as a bit of a shock to you, but they really don't want to hurt you. If they make a mistake and know whatever they have done is going to hurt you, then they will try to protect you. Kids want approval and love from their parents (even though they may not show it at times). Have you ever stopped for a moment to see a child's reaction when they do hurt a parent. Even if they are angry, if you wait until that emotion subsides you will see they are hurting too.

Reason number 2:

This one is fairly obvious but I think sometimes we forget. They don't want to get into trouble. Can you blame them? If you are working for someone and you know you are going to be reprimanded for a mistake you may try and avoid it at all costs. Our kids are no different. This is what it is imperative we discipline the behaviour (if necessary) and not the child. Talk to them about their mistakes. Teach them they have to take responsibility and as always follow up on it. Most importantly remind them, often, that no matter what mistakes they make you love them unconditionally. And be sure to follow that up with actions too.

Reason number 3:

Some parents, at first, don't necessarily believe this one. But when they take the time to think about it, they realise this is actually true. From your child's perspective they don't actually believe they are telling lies. You may be think what? Hang in there and let me explain. Let's say your child tells you one of their siblings has been mean to you. Yet that child replies no I haven't. Now there are times when they could be protecting themselves but there are also times when they truly believe they haven't been mean. Has anyone ever misinterpreted what you said or took it out of context and you have no idea what all the fuss is about? Believe it or not, it can happen with your kids too.

None of this means you want to encourage your children to lie. But when you understand reasons why kids lie, and they aren't actually any different to the reasons why parents lie, then it leads to happier families. Families who love each other unconditionally and empower each other. And importantly teach each other how to take responsibility for their actions and words.

If everything you do, including disciplining your children, comes from a place of love, you are absolutely on the right track.

Felicity Baker is a mindset expert, author and speaker who specialises in empowering children and the child within us all. Her website Joyful Horizons for Kids is the #1 Single Resource For Parents On Creating Strong and Positive Self-Esteem In Their Kids Today and In The Future.

Felicity's "NO THEORY ONLY" philosophy means that everything she recommends has already been "tested" with her own children and the results are positive and proven.

Felicity herself lived with clinical anxiety since she was aged 5. After 30 years of living with non-existent self-esteem and negative self-belief her own life was almost literally destroyed, when she found herself in a hospital emergency ward unable to swallow anything including her own saliva. She has lived on both sides of the fence and understands the importance of having high self-esteem and how it effects every area of our lives. Today she helps parents create a brighter future for their kids and help them create their own phenomenal family.